Podcast 032 – Khador vs Legion, Vlad2 vs eThags: Everblight is a Hamster, and Your Motherland Smells of Elderberries!

For this week’s battle report, we have something very special: our newest Mercenary Co-host, Darrell (Menoth Darrell on the PP Forums) has volunteered to do the write up! And us, being the lazy slobs we are, let him!

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Also in this week’s podcast, Nick gets very, very drunk (thankfully mostly amusing drunk!), Aaron manages not to leave midway through the podcast to urinate for the first time in a month, and Darrell is a perfect gentleman who records while taking care of his 1-year-old lesser warbeast.


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Oh Look! A Penny!

So I got a whole crap ton of Convergence stuff for cheap – some from a guy on Kijiji, some from a store closing and some from a Gypsy who gave it to me for free in exchange for my mortal soul but joke’s on her, I already sold it for a Klondike Bar – and that was the first time I ate a whole large Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Wait… what was I talking about? Shit. Okay. I had this great idea to once again change paint styles thereby differentiating between two factions and a new one… so don’t know how to end that sentence either.

I’m a big fan of the Borderland’s games. For example, when Nick – Nick of this very podcast fame, friends since childhood – introduced it to me, we played it for 10 hours straight. Later we played it for a few hours gay but being so fabulous is exhausting so we switched back. In Borderlands there are several gun manufacturers such as Tediore, Daul, Hyperion and each have there own colour scheme. One of them is called Maliwan (“Get a Maliwan and light some people on fire!” – Marcus) which uses a great scheme of dark blue, dark gray, orange and white which looks amazing. I decided that it would look great on my newly acquired Convergence models.

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It didn’t look bad but it also didn’t look great. I wasn’t happy.
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Podcast 029 – Khador vs Skorne, Vlad2 vs Mordikaar: And that's Why You Always leave a Note… that says "Remember to use Deathclock…"

Good. God. Or as Marc might say, “Oh my Gods.” He’s a little indecisive when it comes to choosing a deity so to be safe he gives them all props. Does this list of Gods include the Flying Spaghetti Monster? We may never know and I’ll forget to ask him but I think it probably does.
(Marc: Yes. Yes it does. And Thor, Om, Crom, Cthulu, and Urd, for those curious, as well as numerous others)

As I was about to say, this game went on for way too long and really cut into my sleep schedule. We had gotten into the good habit of only playing timed games to avoid situations exactly like this one and then at some point someone decided, “Hey, I’ve gotten pretty quick at playing my turns so I don’t need to use a timer!” We’re all captains of our own destinies, I get that and what can we learn about life, nay, ourselves if we don’t make mistakes? Though if the mistake you make is walking through a fireworks warehouse with a lit cigarette you won’t reap the benefits of the lesson; the people who clean up your pieces will.

So reap what we sowed, dear readers/listeners. Whether you’re playing Deathclock or timed turns, always use a timer lest you end up like us: tired.

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(Marc: A quick warning about this week’s podcast: it weighs in around an hour and a half after some pretty substantial editing. But it’s not short! On the plus side, you get to hear Aaron disobey a direct order not to urinate, listen to Nick while belligerent and drunk, and find out which one of us claims to be the same as Picasso!)


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Podcast 029 – Khador vs Skorne, Vlad2 vs Mordikaar: And that’s Why You Always leave a Note… that says “Remember to use Deathclock…”

Good. God. Or as Marc might say, “Oh my Gods.” He’s a little indecisive when it comes to choosing a deity so to be safe he gives them all props. Does this list of Gods include the Flying Spaghetti Monster? We may never know and I’ll forget to ask him but I think it probably does.
(Marc: Yes. Yes it does. And Thor, Om, Crom, Cthulu, and Urd, for those curious, as well as numerous others)

As I was about to say, this game went on for way too long and really cut into my sleep schedule. We had gotten into the good habit of only playing timed games to avoid situations exactly like this one and then at some point someone decided, “Hey, I’ve gotten pretty quick at playing my turns so I don’t need to use a timer!” We’re all captains of our own destinies, I get that and what can we learn about life, nay, ourselves if we don’t make mistakes? Though if the mistake you make is walking through a fireworks warehouse with a lit cigarette you won’t reap the benefits of the lesson; the people who clean up your pieces will.

So reap what we sowed, dear readers/listeners. Whether you’re playing Deathclock or timed turns, always use a timer lest you end up like us: tired.

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(Marc: A quick warning about this week’s podcast: it weighs in around an hour and a half after some pretty substantial editing. But it’s not short! On the plus side, you get to hear Aaron disobey a direct order not to urinate, listen to Nick while belligerent and drunk, and find out which one of us claims to be the same as Picasso!)


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Butch3r – He’s just really enthusiastic.

I picked up Butcher 3 the other day in an attempt to quell the notion that I don’t play good casters. I would have got him sooner or later because, my lanterns does he sound fun! He’d better be at $65 retail and a weight of pewter so great it required a pallet-jack to transport. I was going to wait until he was finished and also playing Marc before I debuted him – Marc doesn’t take shocks very well – but then I got too impatient.

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I deviated a little from the original by attaching his left arm palm down. Palm up, the sculpt looked really awkward; it was a pose that didn’t look natural or comfortable. With the arm palm down, not only does it look better but it afforded me space to mold a disembodied spinal column using one of the heads that was suppose to be attached to Butch’s belt, a paper clip, drywall compound and little bit of airplane glue for the gore at the base of it. Ya know: for good measure. I feel like ripping out peoples spines is something he’d be into.

Podcast 026 – eSkarre vs eSorscha – "The Bane Riders stats are Fucking Awful!" – Adam

In continuing with preparation for the Southern Ontario Open, another 35 pt game. People will skin their knees and worse probably. A drink or two will be spilled. Someone might fall off a bike. I don’t know. I was there but I don’t quite remember what happened. I’m sure Marc will fix this. My brain can’t work… good… right now.
(Marc: Oh boy… if you’re expecting ME to fix this, we are all in deep trouble…)

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(Marc: This week’s podcast was between the undead swarms of Adam against the Imperialist Khador led by Aaron. Adam has been something of an unstoppable juggernaut these last few months… some close matches, certainly, but would Aaron be able to finally break that streak? Listen in and find out!)


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Podcast 026 – eSkarre vs eSorscha – “The Bane Riders stats are Fucking Awful!” – Adam

In continuing with preparation for the Southern Ontario Open, another 35 pt game. People will skin their knees and worse probably. A drink or two will be spilled. Someone might fall off a bike. I don’t know. I was there but I don’t quite remember what happened. I’m sure Marc will fix this. My brain can’t work… good… right now.
(Marc: Oh boy… if you’re expecting ME to fix this, we are all in deep trouble…)

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(Marc: This week’s podcast was between the undead swarms of Adam against the Imperialist Khador led by Aaron. Adam has been something of an unstoppable juggernaut these last few months… some close matches, certainly, but would Aaron be able to finally break that streak? Listen in and find out!)


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Painting is ruining my body.

So I was coerced into helping build a shed a few weeks ago with the promise of Warmachine as payment. I had asked if I could be paid in money as I was deep in debt to the local branch of the Hell’s Angels and any amount would help me keep the organs that they had threatened to relieve me of should I not pay them. He said I was working for Warmachine or for free, it was my choice, so I took the Warmachine.

I tried explaining that to Ulrich whom I owed the money to and asked if he could be paid in pewter. He responded by spitting in my face and throwing me down a flight of concrete stairs. As I lay at the bottom of the stairs groaning and wiping the spit – more nicotine than saliva, really – from my face, I began to laugh. “You fool!” I gurgled, “You’ve damaged my organs beyond repair! What worth are they to you now? No one will buy them!” He proceeded to spend the next few minutes explaining that they weren’t literally going to harvest my organs but rather it was an extreme example of physical punishment that could be exacted upon me should I not fulfill my half of the contract. He added a lengthy list of other punishment I could endure in place of the removal of my internal organs, most of which involved smashing my testicles and penis with a roofing hammer.

As I was bleeding so profusely from the ears he started to feel bad and declared being thrown down a stairwell was payment enough for the ten bus tickets he had bought me the week before. Later at the hospital the doctor would proclaim that I was the first person ever to by on every single organ donation waiting list. As such I had plenty of down time to paint the in progress and new pieces that I had which were holding up my non-Warmachine related art.

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Podcast 022 – Retribution vs Khador, Kaelysa vs Karchev – It's easy to be brave behind Man-o-War

The tides of war once again crash against the shore that is this weekly podcast. Tides don’t really crash, do they? They slowly rise and recede. Uh… The filthy toddlers feet pitter-patter along as the family’s dog also runs amok, illegally and annoyingly off-leash, across the beach that is this weekly podcast. I’m going to drop the beach metaphor. Two dudes in their 30’s place small steam-punk miniatures on a table across from one another and roll dice to determine the outcome of mock battles in accordance with the rules of said steam-punk miniatures game.
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As the title indicates this weeks game was between Retribution and Khador. We decided to try a different system for match-ups instead of the inconsistent and lethargic text message asking for a game. In an effort to make some generalist lists which would better suited for tournaments where opponents aren’t prearranged we randomly chose our opponents. Local Cryx phenom Adam opted to sit out and Cygnar/Menoth upstart Marc couldn’t make it because he was house hunting or getting a butterfly tramp-stamp or some such nonsense so it was Kassem vs Gaven and Nick vs myself.

(Note from Marc: We also announce the winner of our first contest in this podcast… for spoilers, just scroll down to the end of the battle report!)


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Podcast 019 – Menoth vs Khador – Shocktrooper Utility 1A01

This week saw the first match up between my Menoth and Aaron’s Khador.

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Before you get too excited, I have to admit that I was proxying my warcaster for this game… although it may LOOK like eFeora, I was actually playing her prime counterpart. The reason for the substitution is simple: I own pFeora, but she as of yet unassembled and unpainted. So I figured that this would be an acceptable compromise (although it DID get me in trouble at one point during the game… we’ll get to that!). Aaron, for his part, was fielding Vlad2 because of list-chicken… he had a Strakhov list, packed full of fire-immunity, but he was worried about how it would perform against my less-fire-dependent Reznik list. More accurately, he put it together to psyche me out of using fire-weapons because he wasn’t really sure at all that it would *work* as a list, and therefore he could bring his more flammable Vlad2 list free of fear!

Let’s find out how that worked out for him, shall we?


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